Zombie Socialists of America

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Z.S.A.

Official site of a party that does not exist

Finally, one of us.

The Zombie Socialists of America is the fictional political party at the heart of Z.S.A., a satirical comedy series about the year zombies became the most sought-after voting bloc in America.

Listen on Pocket FM Watch on YouTube

E Pluribus Umbra. Polls are open. Please speak in four words.

The Series

Audio comedy ยท Pocket FM

Years after Turn Day, one American in two hundred is a zombie. They vote, they work, they enroll in community college, and they would very much like you to hold the door. They’re fully intelligent inside, but out loud to the living they only get about four words per breath. The living rarely wait for the fifth.

Set in the Atlanta suburb of Millbrook, Georgia, Z.S.A. follows a handful of ordinary residents, living and dead, through a presidential election, its aftermath, and every national argument in which zombies are discussed constantly and consulted never.

It’s an open-ended satire in the spirit of long-running animated comedies, and it takes aim at the left and the right with the same enthusiasm.

On the ballot this season

Identity politicsCampaign panderingDisputed ballotsCable newsCampus debatesHealth insurance“Prove it” politicsTelevangelismThe HOA from hellThe draftWar profiteeringPhantom nonprofitsStudent debt
Start Episode 1

Meet the Candidate

Bitten. Turning. Basically there.
Celeste Vandermulch, the Z.S.A. candidate, with a cup of coffee.
Celeste Vandermulch, Z.S.A. nominee turned President. Foundation: gray. Teeth: suspiciously white.

“I… APPROVE… THIS… MESSAGE.”

The Vandermulch Plan for America

  1. A replacement part in every pot.Free next-day knees, hands and eyeballs, in a color of your choosing.
  2. Your squiggle is your signature.On ballots, mortgages and birthday cards.
  3. Printed protein in every school cafeteria.Because brains are a right, not a privilege.
  4. The Let Them Finish Act.A federal ban on finishing a zombie’s sentence for them.
  5. A promise to Persons Experiencing Life.She will never, ever bite you. Unless you ask nicely.

Paid for by Vandermulch for America. Not approved by Prometheon. Results may vary by decomposition.

Kayleigh Mildew & The Shallow Graves

The house band of the undead
Album cover: Kayleigh Mildew and the Shallow Graves, includes hit single Four Words.
Kayleigh Mildew playing guitar on stage at the Rusty Nail.
Live at the Rusty Nail, Old Mill Road. Tiny reads every ID out loud at the door.
  1. 01

    Four Words

    A slow-burning love song written one line a morning over three years, for the quiet zombie who never drinks his coffee. The living only hear four words, “I hear every word,” and that’s the point.

  2. 02

    Losing Parts

    A soulful, stomping, weary anthem about the daily grind of being dead: no sleep, no food, just the clock and the same shift on repeat. Heavy-hearted but defiant, the sound of falling apart a piece at a time and showing up for work anyway.

  3. 03

    Midnight Cortado

    A loud, hard-driving rock anthem for the hour the bars close and the night isn’t over: still wired, still looking for romance, and hunting down the last coffee in town. Windows down, volume all the way up.

  4. 04

    Double Restricted

    A pounding PEL-and-zombie dance anthem built for packed rooms, where the whole crowd shouts the heartbeat back at the stage: “Ba-dum! Ba-dum!” Living or dead, everybody gets a pulse.

Hear the band on YouTube

Speak Zombie

Four words per breath

A zombie can say anything a living person can. It just comes out four words at a time, with a breath and a groan in between. Type something below and hear how it sounds to the living.

Results are for entertainment. No living person can actually learn zombie. Please do not download Groanify.

Glossary

Official and unofficial terms
PEL
Person Experiencing Life. The official term for the living.
Perishable
Zombie slang for a living person. Affectionate, mostly.
Rancidist
Someone prejudiced against zombies. On Urban Dictionary.
D.E.I.
Deterioration, Equity, and Infection.
Turn Day
The day it all started. Ask your grandparents. They’re probably still around.
B.I.T.E.
The Brief Intercommunity Transitional Engagement. Nobody noticed the acronym.
Mordu du jour
A zombie who was bitten rather than turned on Turn Day. “A du jour,” for short.
The squiggle
A zombie’s signature. Legally valid in at least one disputed election.
Printed protein
3D-printed brains, sold next to the deli.
Groanify
A zombie translation app. It has never once been right.
Bloodbag
The rude word for the living. Don’t.
Zombie Socialists of America
The party. On Urban Dictionary.

Z.S.A.

E Pluribus Umbra. Out of many, shade.

Z.S.A. is a work of satirical fiction. The Zombie Socialists of America is not a real political party, and its candidates are not real people. Artwork made with AI. No sheep were harmed.